the tribunal of the gods It has been, my love, an impossible dream -- and fairy tales rarely do come true. I have labored with the fear of losing you and now I am certain that is what I will do. I have dared to fly too near the sun and have seen my shabby wings melt away, as I fall into the dark cold abyss where hope perishes. Just yesterday, my heart soared as the eagles when you spoke of your love for me, and today, my dream seems vanquished, my rebirth cast into the sea. But I shall not begrudge your happiness, though my selfish heart wails within. I hear the laughter of the gods who have condemned me for my sin of loving you. Damn the gods, I cast a curse on their mirth. If it be their design to deny me -- that you should not give birth to the flower of my love for you -- then the laughter shall indeed be mine, for I will bear this love for you until the end of time, and spit in the face of their judgement while I revel in your happiness. And I will stand at their tribunal and shout before them to confess my undying love for you, Vera. My soul cries out for you sadly. May the angels in pity hear it and make your joy their mercy on me, for I have felt your love, and I have known a love for you that those pitiful gods cannot envision -- hence, the torment they have cast me into. And I have tasted the nectar of the gods, stolen from where they dwell, and they cannot take that from me though they lock me forever in their hell. Oh, the irony, I shall mock them, for their inferno they cast me into is, in truth, the eternal paradise of my everlasting love for you. 12/13/98 Dead Man Walking There is a shadow dwells with me but it is not my own. If lurks inside my every thought and never leaves me alone. It is cast upon my every word and each act is in its wake. It has come from no mortal soul and its curse I cannot break. My demented demon dances upon my broken soul, laughing at the consolations which once served to make me whole. I am a tired used up man, weary of the life I regret. I am a dead man walking, envious of the sun which has set. 12/14/98 Continue in Bavarian Mason Return to Beginning of Bavarian Mason